Oy.

There's so much to tell about my surreal weekend in suburban New York, that I'm not even sure where to begin.
On arrival, my brothers and I devised a game plan. As my father, age 79, is from an older more traditional generation, we thought that he might respond better (and feel less threatened ) in a situation where only my brothers talked to him. Men to Man. Sons to Father. To be honest, I was more than happy to comply.
Welp, that was attempt numero uno.
Apparently, during an explanation of the benefits of having a Health Care proxy in place so that a family member would be able to make decisions on his behalf if/when he is unable to, he closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep.
R (my brother): Dad, I know you are awake. Can you at least sit up and talk to us about this? It's important."

The next attempt to engage my dad happened after lunch. We brought up the benefits of signing the Health Care proxy now, while he is "still mentally competent."
Dad: "Why should I sign this thing? What's in it for you?"
R: "Nothing's in it it for us. It is for your own good. Don't you want someone to speak on your behalf that has your best interests at heart?. What if something happens and you are in the hospital unable to speak? Do you really want a doctor who doesn't know you making decisions on your behalf?"
Dad (to D, my oldest brother): "Do you have one of these?"
D: "We all have them. We're lawyers and would be fools not to."
Dad: "Why are you so interested? What's in it for you?
D: "Nothing. It's for your protection. It designates someone to speak on your behalf if you are not able to."
Dad: "Okay. Pay me $500 and I'll sign it."
D (getting frustrated): "How about I pay you $200 cash to sign it." (tosses wads of $20 bills on the table)
Dad: " How about $1000?"
D: "Are you going to sign it?"
Dad: "Yeah, (suspiciously) I'll have my lawyer look at it."
R and D: "DAD! We ARE your lawyers!"
Dad: "Okay, I'll have my secretary look at it."
R: "Dad, you don't have a secretary. You've been retired for 6 years now."
Dad: "I'll bring it to the office. (To D) Do you have one of these? What is this for?"

Later...

Dad: "What is this?"
R: "It's a health care proxy." (he explains again what it does) You can appoint someone you trust. If not Mom, then one of us, or someone else, preferably younger."
Dad: (turning to me) "How about your daughter? She's nice to me."
Me: "Dad, she's four years old."

Much later...

Dad: "If I don't sign this piece of paper, does that mean you'll keep coming back to visit me until I do?"
R: "How about this: if you don't sign, I will never set foot in this house again. (storms out) This isn't a goddamned game, Dad. We are grownups! We can't you treat us with respect and take this seriously? I gave up a whole weekend with my family and drove 5 1/2 hours to see you and you won't even sign the fucking thing?!? It's very simple!"
Dad: (to me and D, puzzled) "What just happened? Why is he so upset?"
D: "Another thing we need to talk to you about is your driving. We feel that you need to stop or at least cut out the night and highway driving altogether. We have hired a driver for you and we think you should start using her. It is not safe for you to drive anymore."
Dad:(mildly agitated) "NO!"
D: "It is not safe for you to drive. You have, on several occasions wondered off and have been picked up by the police. In fact, this happened only a few days ago."
Dad: "I don't remember that. Where did R go?"
D: "He left the room. He doesn't think you are taking any of this seriously. Your Neurologist feels you should not be driving and has submitted a request to the DMV that you be retested."
Dad: "I think all of you should be retested. What makes you think you're such good drivers? I've never had any accidents."
All of us in unison: "YES YOU HAVE!"
Dad: "I don't remember."
Us: "That's the problem."

And on and on...